Good Man or a Jerk
A jerk is not a Good Man and is totally inappropriate to date. There is no way, short of the long-term therapy for a true jerk to become a non-jerk ("less of a jerk"). A jerk is not good enough for a Good Woman American Geisha to date, have sex with, or ---god forbid!---marry).
No doubt the jerk lacks the four basics of being a Good Man. A Good Man... * Has good values and tells the truth; * Is conscious of what is going on in his world and of how he lives his life; * Is a nice person (very key!), and supportive of his woman; * Is positive, optimistic, and happy
Of course, if a man is not a Good Man, it doesn't necessarily make him a jerk; but no jerk is a Good Man for any woman.
It is critically important that women identify any inappropriate man very quickly and either avoid dating him at all or stop dating him as soon as they know he is inappropriate and cannot be a Good Man that they want to date, perhaps have sex with, and ultimately marry.
Do not accept a real date from any man until you have at least some intuitive idea that he at least seems to be a Good Man. Instead of a real date, you should only "meet" for coffee and only for a short time: "Maybe we could meet at Startbucks for an hour or so. How's that for now?"
At your coffee meeting (not a date; and definitely coffee, not alcohol) seek to find out if he has the four Good Man characteristics as part of his personality. Trust your intuition at that time. If he seems to be a jerk or simply not a Good Man for you, do not see him again. (I suggest ways to say no to a real date in a kind and nice way.)
Mistakes happen, though, don't they? If you are dating a fellow who really is a jerk, end the relationship instantly, either at the end of the latest time you are seeing him or via email (less embarrassing for him) shortly after (a day or two) that last date. And let's hope you never did get to having sex with the jerk.
If you did date (or have sex with) a jerk, be much more careful in the future. Seek out only Good Men and use the coffee shop to screen guys before dating them. And trust your intuition. Throughout everything, be a Good Woman who knows she deserves a Good Man.
Py Kim Conant is the author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man and has published three books in Korean and has written a bi-weekly column for the Korea Daily in Southern California. Py has appeared on radio shows nationally and has been featured in Real Simple and East West magazines. Py teaches a class on "How to Be Married in a Year" for the Learning Annex.
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