Quote: "David was carefully curious about Jayne and where she might fit into my life as well as his and ours"
NOTE: This is Chapter 2 of the story - You may wish to read chapter 1 first.
When I finally got home it was well after midnight. Our bedroom light was on, so David was still awake, reading, but I knew he'd waited up for me. I wouldn't be able to slip into bed with him and plan what I'd tell him in the morning. I went to the bathroom and cleaned my teeth, anything to delay having to look at him. I had never worked back beyond nine, he knew that.
I walked into our room and stood looking at him, my hands hanging at my sides. He put his book down and smiled and I burst into tears. I blurted that I had sex with a woman and fell to my knees with my face into my hands, distraught, saying over and over, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. He pulled me to my feet and held me.
You're home now and everything's OK, this is no biggie. Don't worry. He helped me undress and kissed my forehead and the end of my nose, something he always does to comfort me when I'm overwrought.
Come to bed now and sleep, we can talk about it later if you want. His utter reasonableness plunged me into despair and uncontrollable tears. The implications of what I'd done were overwhelming. Betrayal was the word that kept coming to me. In bed I lay curled up, my head on his shoulder, one arm around me, the other hand running his fingers through my hair.
In the morning I looked at him carefully, looking for a sign, anything that would tell me what he was thinking. I sat at the table and watched him get our breakfast. My eyes were full of tears, I couldn't control my guilt and shame.
I'm so sorry. I love you, nothing's changed. He smiled his lovely quiet smile, I know. She works with me. We ate, I wasn't at all hungry. She's an analyst, like me. The slender one with long black straight hair you told me about, I'm not surprised, you've talked a lot about her. He held my hands as I cried. There is no excuse for what I did, I just wanted her so much. I don't know what this is about. I'm so sorry. We'll have to do something about your eyes before you go to work, they're so swollen and red. That made me cry more.
Jayne came in and sat on the other side of my desk. Are you OK
It's been awful. Why, what happened I can't talk about it now. We have to talk, I don't want it to be like this, I want you. Sorry if this is too much too soon, but I want you and not just for sex, I can get sex any time I want, women like me.
What do you want to do I want to see you again soon. I nodded and began to cry. This was starting to get tiresome, I don't cry in public. How about lunch We can talk then, we can go to my house. I'd like to, but just lunch, it's too soon. That's fine. You leave first and I'll catch you. I didn't eat with anyone from work, us leaving together would be noticed, at least that's what I thought. No-one might have noticed at all.
We drove there in silence, at one point she reached over and held my hand, I squeezed back. I hardly ate breakfast, I'm hungry now. I have plenty of food, I'm mostly vegetarian, is that OK for you Yes, I like veg food.
I was unused to this turmoil, my life has always been planned, measured, nothing happens that isn't anticipated, weighed, considered, now this. Inside her house she closed the door and took me in her arms and kissed my forehead. Just like David.
There are so many things I'd like to know about you.
I know, me, too. Ask away. I know about you at work, these are private things.
There was a long silence as she looked me. This could be the deal breaker.
I looked at her, she suspects. I couldn't look at her. Then ask away.
Are there any things you don't want to talk about No. Everything's on the table.
We sat and looked at each other. Please just ask. Is your brother more to you than just a brother
Yes. Is he your lover She reached out and touched my hand, it's OK, we don't have to go there. Is it that obvious How could she have put her finger on that so quickly Who else knows Yes. You sleep with him Yes, is that a problem No. No, it's not a problem, not at all. When did it start for you When I was about 15, we have always been together since then, there's been no-one else. Perhaps others have guessed, but you are the first to ask. No, there was no reason for me to think that until last night.
What did I do to make you think that You were so uneasy about staying, what you would tell him, it seemed the only possibility. We aren't teenagers, people don't usually defer to or worry about a big brother the way you did last night. We live in complete secrecy, our parents know, no-one else. Now you do.
Does that worry you, that I know Well, what's said can't be taken back, it does worry me that you know, but I would have denied it if I'd wanted to, that's how much I want you. I trust you and we've gone beyond being work colleagues now. Do you want me Yes. Do you want me Of course, more than I can tell you. How do you want me, I'm with David. This is more than sex, when I want sex I go to a bar, pick up a woman. What do we do, then I don't know, but nothing for now, life has to get back into some sort of normal rhythm, a new shape that works for us. By us do you include me or just you and your brother. You and me, as well as David. We went back to work. I was calmer, I could now look at my world and feel less fearful. I thought about the conversations David and I would need to have. But what if she told people
David was carefully curious about Jayne and where she might fit into my life as well as his and ours. I didn't know how she might fit, but he understood that I wanted her sexually, that my attraction to her over-rode what we had and that I couldn't yet see emotional involvement with her. Sex and emotions were far apart. He asked to meet her if I thought it appropriate. I didn't want her to be another secret.
We talked and talked, for days, he asked a lot about what we had done, how it was different from what he and I did. Was it different or better because she was a woman I was gentle in telling how what she did for me was different to what he did, but that each was wonderful. Our spare time was consumed by talk, here at home but not at work. Work was otherwise completely normal. Jayne and I stood behind each other again and played with each other's necks and hair, my work output actually went up. I was congratulated, there was talk of promotion. We talked at night on the phone. Our lives' new shapes became more settled, the catastrophe that I had feared didn't eventuate. David and I talked less, we were reading again and that was a relief. We met at her house for sex, it had become love-making, it was very different from the sweaty grappling that was only intended to end in orgasm. I always told David where I was and when I'd be home, it was once or twice a week. The sex we had at home didn't suffer, it was more fulfilled in a way that I can't describe, it was just more fulfilling. I asked if he would like to meet Jayne. He looked at me with a slight smile and raised eyebrows, as if I was asking an unnecessary question. She would come to dinner Probably best that way instead of an impersonal public space, restaurant or coffee shop.
I cooked, I told David it would give me something to do with my hands, to occupy me. I set and reset the table, changing the napkins, rearranging the cutlery and glasses, I was very nervous, excited, a strange mixture. I wanted more than anything that they would like each other, the prospect of them not getting on was dreadful.
It was about seven months after our first time. I planned it for days, it wasn't a special menu, it was how we usually eat, roast beef, potatoes, salads, red wine, mineral water, cheeses. I checked, she would eat beef, she wasn't a strict vego. Even so I was nervous. Seven o'clock came and went. At ten past there was a knock at the door. I looked at David and nodded, he came over, took me in his arms and said that everything will be fine. He went to the door. Jayne was pale and a little wide-eyed. She held out her hand, I'm Jayne, hi Jayne, I'm David, I've heard so many nice things about you, I hoped we'd meet. She came over to me and kissed my cheek, hi, honey. She hugged me and stood beside me holding my hand. I watched David's face, there was nothing to see. He gave her a drink. And then one for me. Conversation was initially stilted, but as our drinks did their thing we relaxed.
He knew far more about Jayne than she did about him and by the time we'd finished eating we had all relaxed. He looked across the table, you know about us Yes, from the beginning. And it isn't a problem for you No. My life hasn't been exactly by the book, we all have secrets. I have secrets, too, I'll tell you one day. Where do I fit into the picture for you You are Pip's partner, her lover, as I am her lover. You also happen to be her brother. She shrugged. So
Can you handle the two of us sharing her He nodded. No-one spoke. I don't want to come between you and David, but I also want you. It doesn't make much conventional sense, but if we want it to work we can make it happen.
David, this sister of yours doesn't talk much, you have to get her to talk more. He smiled, we've talked more over this past six months than before in our whole lives. We don't need words all that much. That night we talked until dawn, when we finally went to bed she slept in the spare bedroom. I wanted sex, but I was too tired and uncertain to make the effort. The next day we had breakfast. And sex.
We had talked in the night about how this was going to happen. There were times when she and I would meet at her place, others at ours. When we were at our place it was a matter of some delicacy about who was where and who did what with whom. Would the three of us be together Would all three of us participate This would work out over time. I hadn't thought through the implications of the three of us, especially where one of us was almost exclusively lesbian. Jayne had been in threesomes with another guy and didn't mind when he wanted to fuck her, she said her sexuality changed depending on who she was with. She said she was fairly flexible and laughed when I said that she might need to be. We went to our bedroom, we undressed each other, then we undressed David. He stood quietly, watching, I think uncertain of what to do. We lay on our bed. He stroked as I went down on her, he came as I came under her mouth. It got easier. She watched as we fucked, he had a little trouble cuming, but got there in the end. When she went down on him I whispered to her to put a finger in his butt. We fucked for hours, then she got on her knees with her bottom to him and spread her cheeks. He looked at me, I nodded, she liked anal play, I had used a dildo on her there. He put lube on her hole and very slowly penetrated her. Her bottom rose and fell to meet his thrusting, he came quickly, shouting in his pleasure. He thinks she's bi and not a committed lesbian. She said she's never told her previous lesbian lovers about what she does now and then with men, the politics of lesbianism and bisexuality are too contentious, the lines too sharply drawn, she prefers for people to think she's a lesbian. She says it's just easier that way. David is the first man with whom she might share a long-term relationship, so some people might say she isn't a lesbian. I don't know.
This was more complex than I thought it would be, there was going to have to be a lot of talking and careful adjustment for this to work for the three of us.
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