Title: Knockers Up! Thanks for the Mammaries (The History of the Bra)



This is the legend of the Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder as it has been called in knockers lore and legend. Boobs......jugs ....tits....breasts...knockers! Take your pick. They are works of art that when displayed in the gallery of flesh tickle a mans fancy and can also send a lesbian into orbital ecstacy. Some are cream filled lactating wonder machines, others are silicone silly heat seeking missles, while others yet are mere mouthful morsels that resemble small mounds of joy with nipples atop a wonderous mountain of flesh perfect for squeezing and kneading like a soft fleshy dough. Perfeftly shaped and strategically placed, these human anatomy Taj Majals are architectural masterpieces. Objects of masturbation, and as young pre-pubescent males we still marvel at our early discovery of them in Nat Geos with photos in the interest of science and anthropology of course, of hidden tribes in Africa with photo displays of buxom Negress breasts that we wanted to feast on...in the interest of science of course. Then there was dads skin mags, not so well hidden that we unearthed on our ongoing archeological dig for sex in the family home. Playboy with their are these for real displays of Rocky Mountains on Playmates. Giant mammarial playgrounds tah defied imagination, even ours at that age...the attack fo the 50 foot woman sci fi babe with gigantic knockers that could feed a starving village of hungry early teen boys until they were satisfied they had drained every last drop and politely say to her, "Thanks for the Mammaries!" Take my corset, please! No, not a rimshot Rodney Dangerfield opening line but the busty battlecry beinning in 14th Century when Robin Hoods Merry Men where wondering, who the hell made Marion An age when buxom babes dotted the kingdom in great numbers with heaving breasts protruding like volcanic landmasss pushing for position on terra firm. The corset was the great equalizer as it as hit gave the mighty boobs, the heave ho to prominence. Eventually the corset was split like the atom and the real nuclear explosion of explosively large breasts mushroomed as the upper corset portion was partitioned from the lower corset portion, attached to the shoulder to give rise and lift to the mighty massives! If a knight could preen using his battle axe as an indicator of prowess, the fair maiden of the castle possessed a more ample and deadly weapon for show and tell..her femininity and her buxom bevy of two that she proudly sported like trophy heads mounted on one hell of a sexy wall!

In ancient Egypt, the women went about life bare-breasted and bare chested, wearing only skimpy skirts. Longer skirts were worn by the landed gentry while the slave females wore shorter skirts so as not to impede their work, and also to make sure they wallked like an Egyptian slave should walk..with plenty of thigh and breasts exposed for maximum exposure for the entertainment of the ruling classes, who enjoyed pyramid shaped tits and asses!

Indian women prior to the 1st Century were also bare breasted giving the Kama Sutra added impetus and perhaps an idea or two for one or more positions to try out that involved nipple and penis play.

Eventually a king in the 1st Century decided he had seen enough that elicited an edict making it mandatory for females to wear blouse/brassiere combos. Fortunately they were tight fitting so full sexuality was lost or blowing in the win. Young girls coming into bloom and blossom also had to wear these garments, but again as they were form fitting you could watch the flowers bloom until ripe for womanhood picking by the male of the species for a bride. The first "bikini" is attributed not to Annette Funicello and her beach playmates but to those madcap Minoans and Greeks. It was a sexy piece of garment to be sure and mainly worn by women involved in athletic competition. The catch was althought the bikini bra supported their breasts, they also protruded through strategically place holes to reveal their nipples and breasts. Later improvements were designed to emphasize the naked breast even more as they had achieved the status at this point of highly significant religious significance. I too would rush to church every day for a taste of that communion and a drink from a mammarial wellspring!

As society progressed and modesty prevailed over good old fashioned breast mania, the mighty bra began to come into it's own, its own identity and replaced the corset as a means of support your local breasts! As the odometer of the 20th Century came rolling down what we view as what a bra should look like emerged, yet it wasn't until the 1930's that full scale production went into assemblyline mode. Later they became more of a fashion statement and as for endorsements, never mind a ball player on a box of Wheaties...Maidenform bra's had a bevy of well built and stacked spokeswomen that could fill the bill and the bra especially in the persona of Jane Russell Bustier)

By the early 1930's a company, humorously though not intentionally named "Camp and Company" started to measure womens breasts in alphabetical order, yet another reason for a red blooded American boy to learn the ABC's of leering and learning or at least A, B, C, and the ever popular and larger than life D Cup! The D for devastatingly heavenly! They went so far as the Mad Hatters of Mad Ave featured magazine layouts with with artistically and anatomically correct breasts with the numbering system corresponding to each size beginning in 1933. Two years before the Wizard of Oz exploded on the silver screen, and to prove that every bra had a silver lining the Warner Lingerie Company, which yes did consist of "Warner" brothers featured not only cup sizing but started using multiple eye and hook configurations which became the bane of backseat exploration at the drive-in as hormones raged relentlessly...but when you conquered the hooks in record time through practice your reputation soared to new heights as the new Houdini of the brassiere.

Womens liberation was the best part of the protest laden Sixties and early Seventies. Women were burning bra's while we burned our draft cards. Women were protesting the "slavery" of the breast and their sexuality and now were overtaken with the mantra, if you got them, flaunt them! I was right there on the front lines cheering them on "Hell No, We Want Them to Show!" Be Bare, Not Square!" One song that sums up our love affair with the mighty mammary of our kindred mammal is by the Fugs called "Boobs A Lot" (it's on Youtube, check it out!)

Today the once utilitarian legion of lingerie that lingered in lacy limbo has a new legacy of sexuality and sensuality thanks to Victoria's not so secret Secret and Fredericks of Hollywood. The bra and other forms of lingerie are now not only high fashion but a key part in the role play in the BDSM crowd and the new burlesque. It has gone from utilitarian to sexatarian in 60 seconds in the grand scheme of history. Today many women go bra-less and you can easily tell as nipples now peek through suggesting secretionous secrets that hide behind closed cloth doors. Maybe it was mothers milk and our breast feeding frenzy like pirhana in a South American River that whetted our apetite and ignited our love affair of the naked breast. Hell, breast feeding on the first date is still frowned upon in some circles, but a wide open practice in others. When you meet someone in a bar instead of saying, "whats your sign" and sounding like a square peg in a round hole, although you are probably looking to gain entry in her round hole, say something clever instead like, "If you breast feed me tonight will you respect me in the morning" If she answers in the affirmative you've got it made..you have earned her respect. If however the answer is in the negative, don't worry at least you will have drunk from the mighty twin fountains of youth...who needs respect So when someone puts on a Fugs album and you hear the words.."do you like boobs alot" say it loud, say it proud.."Hell Yes I do!


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