Title: Conventional Sex



In the year after I turned 18, three incredible things happened to me. The first two sucked. I guess the third did too, but you'll get that joke later.

The first thing was that I hit puberty. Like a brick wall.

One day I was a normal kid, a decent second-baseman in the school softball games, no problem bigger than sweating out whether I'd get a C- or a D+ in penmanship from Sister Mary Margaret. Sister Margaret had taught penmanship, and nothing but penmanship, for it seemed like a hundred years. Anyway, she'd taught my sister, who was six years older than me, and she looked old enough to have taught my mom and dad, too.

Nothing I could do for Sister Margaret was as good as my sister had done, as the old nun was very open about telling me. Since my going to the summer Scout camp was dependent on keeping all my grades passing -- even though penmanship didn't count toward graduation -- I couldn't just ignore Sister Margaret's crotchetiness. It did seem that the harder I gripped the No. 2 Eberhard-Faber, the worse my loops got, but I was confident I could curl them enough to squeak out the C.

Then everything went nuts. All of a sudden I was missing easy grounders and throwing 12 feet over the head of Eddie, the first-baseman. I couldn't seem to control any muscle, most importantly the ones in my fingers. My handwriting looked like the chart of a drunk's stumble down a dark alley. And one gray, rainy morning I got up and looked in the mirror and some stranger was looking back. Some ugly kid with big red pimples all over his face. And it was me.

For the rest of my life, I have studiously avoided reading anything about adolescence, because I don't want to know just how late I was to the party. All I know was that I at last understood why our class softball team had sucked so mightily the year before. We weren't that great as eighth graders, either, but that was mostly because several key players skipped a lot of the weekend games to spend time with girls. I began to get a vague inkling why they thought that was a better way to spend their time, too.

You might think that having a klutz at second would contribute to our team's weakness as well, but that only lasted a couple of games. No, I didn't get any better, not for a year or two. But Coach Carlson yanked me from the starting lineup in favor of some guy with six hairs already sprouting on his upper lip and I spent the next two weekends riding the bench before I finally threw in my glove.

I don't blame the coach, because my screw-ups had clearly cost us the last game I started. At least that's what everyone else on the team pointed out to me, repeatedly.

In fact, my teammates, in the spirit of constructive criticism, conceived the nickname "Goony Bird" for me, as a way to gently remind me that my flailing arms and stumbling running were not up to their athletic standards. It was only years later, when I had no friends left who had known me when, that I was able to shorten that to "Bird" and convince my new friends that I'd been so tagged because my basketball ability reminded people of the Celtics great. I was able to put that over, I think, because I had finally grown into my arms and legs.

But I don't want you to think that I was some repulsive freak as a kid. Well, at least, not any more repulsive than any other boy who's suffered massive hormone overload. If I kept to a slow, steady pace I could actually put one foot in front of the other without tripping myself. And the photo I still have of me leading the Easter procession, cross held high overhead, white surplice and red cassock flapping in the spring breeze, shows a rather handsome youth. We won't mention how many boxes of Stridex it took to make that so.

I didn't get the top spot in the processional on looks alone. I wasn't even the tallest one in our group of altar boys. But Sister Margaret, who doubled as sacristan and Uberfuhrer of altar boys, wasn't about to let Peter Burke take first place. Pete was a few inches taller than me, and about 30 pounds heavier. All muscle. Including his brain, as it happened.

Pete was the only kid I ever knew who had been sent to military school -- after fourth grade, a remarkably early exit -- and had made a comeback (two years later) at Ss. Swithin and Melchior's. Rumor had it his family had paid heavily to get him readmitted when even the goons at Wayne Academy couldn't beat sense into him, but I believe it could be entirely coincidental that his return to Ss. S&M was followed only two weeks later by groundbreaking for the new convent.

Whatever grease had been applied to slip Pete back into parochial school, it wasn't enough to get him any special favors from the nuns. He was plunked into the front of every classroom -- so the nuns could keep an eye on him -- and into the back of every procession, so the congregation wouldn't notice him.

The top spots were reserved for the best students. I was one of them. In fact, I was the top student, and that was the second incredible thing that happened to me that year.

I had always been a better-than-average student, never coming in any lower than 10th among the 50 or so kids in our year, but never rising any higher than fourth. Aside from Ken Rondini, a curiously neat kid with a strong resemblance to Alfalfa in the old "Our Gang" series (if Alfalfa had been mown down to scarcely more than four feet tall), who occasionally bobbed up as high as second place in grades and won every other spelling bee, the top spots in our class were always taken by girls: Betty, the goodie-goodie; Linda, the heavy-lidded immigrant who began wearing a bra in kindergarten; and Ann, one of those spectacularly unremarkable people, the kind who always hang around the edges of fame, accepted by the stars of life because they so clearly will never challenge for the top. Remember those expendable crewmen in "Star Trek" Same kind of personality.

Anyway, in eighth grade the girls in the class suddenly sank in the rankings. It seemed almost as if they had decided being smart was no longer a good thing. Being a good feminist -- having had that philosophy beaten into me by my older sister, in fact -- I now realize that is exactly what happened, a horrible effect of our maledominated culture's insistence that women must subsume their intellectual gifts or risk scaring away potential mates. Back then, I just thought the girls went all goofy.

Whatever the reason, I suddenly found myself contending with Rondini for the best grades. School seemed to turn into nothing more than a succession of spelling bees and math quizzes and geography drills, and time and again it came down to Rondini and me, mano a mano -- or at least as mano as a wisp like Rondini could get. He had always been the butt of much classroom humor, and as we were increasingly singled out in competition, whatever he had rubbed off on me. It stunk.

Worse yet, Rondini crumbled under the pressure. It showed up first in the spelling bees, where he began to insert irrelevant A's and inadvisable S's and once, memorably, let loose a very unfortunately timed P. The competition was over almost before it had begun, and by the Christmas holidays I stood alone, head and shoulders above the rest of my class. Of course, the worst thing about standing out in a crowd is that it makes aiming at you much, much easier. Everyone who hadn't made fun of me in fall because of my ineptitude on the diamond now piled on because I was too smart for my own good.

Unless you have ever been the smartest person in your group, you can't know just how awful that is. I say this with no false humility, because by the time I got to college women had changed their minds about the need for brains. They had also changed their minds about the length of their hemlines, and the combination of competition and distraction pulled me sharply back into the middle of the pack.

But grade school was a simpler and harsher time. I was typecast as the bumbling brainiac, and I hated it. In class I daydreamed of being just an ordinary kid. My daydreams were usually interrupted when one nun or another called on me to answer. Proving how dumb I was, I always answered and almost always answered correctly. This was not the way to sink into blissful mediocrity. I thought about purposefully getting answers wrong, but when my name was called my Pavlovian little brain insisted on spitting out the right ones.

The one answer I couldn't figure out was how to escape my role as the geek of the class. Then, one morning, the glimmer of an answer appeared.

It started when Eddie -- the first-baseman -- and I were serving 6 a.m. Mass. It was a cozy affair, three old ladies, one snoozing bum, Fr. Pascalitis and us, all alone in a church the size of a zeppelin hangar. You don't know what early morning is until you've spent one trying to prop your eyes open in a barn filled with the scent of decades-old incense while some guy's snores are turned into the drone of a Sopwith Camel by the echoing walls.

Not that Eddie and I worried too much about what would happen if we did take a nap. Fr. Pascalitis, who we suspected knew Latin so well because his parents had spoken it as a first language, could mumble his way from start to finish in the old rites without any assistance from us. That was good, because he spoke so quietly that we couldn't catch the few syllables we used as cues for our bell-ringing, and he moved his arms so little we couldn't watch for those telltale signs, either. Sometimes we just rang the bell to see if we could wake the bum, and Fr. Pascalitis didn't seem to notice.

His lack of concern might have had something to do with the way he safeguarded the bottle of sacramental wine he reserved for his special use. It seemed somewhat paler and smelled considerably more powerful than the stuff Sister Margaret would set out for the parish's other two priests. We used to say that Fr. Pascalitis had the only 80-proof Jesus-in-a-bottle in the world.

On the day I'm talking about, Eddie and I got to church around 5:30. Because it was Fr. P's week to do the 6 a.m., we didn't have to prepare the cruets of wine and water; he always took care of that himself. Come to think of it, that water had a bit of a punch to it as well. This was back in the days before the congregation got anything more than a wafer at Communion, though, so we never got a taste for ourselves.

Anyway, with time to kill, we occupied ourselves trying to write stuff on the 12-foot-high ceiling of the sacristy, using the smoke from the four-foot-long candle lighters. Ss. S&M had been around a long time; it was hard to find a spot that wasn't already covered by soot.

Comes Mass time and we trotted out with Fr. P, taking his usual shortcut across the front of the church rather than going all the way to the back and up the middle aisle. Things were going along smoothly and Eddie and I were playing tic-tac-toe by scratching our fingernails into the green plush of the handrails on our kneelers when we heard a clang and a few words that were shocking not only because they were English -- this was a year or two before the Latin Mass declined - - but also because we'd never heard anyone in a cassock (ourselves excluded) saying things like that, let alone in church.

We looked up to see the white altar cloth rapidly turning red, and just about at that same moment a strong whiff of alcohol floated over us and made my eyes water.

Eddie and I just stared for a while. Fr. P had righted the cup and was going on with the Mass. We looked out at the congregation and the old ladies still had their heads bowed. If they'd heard anything, they must have thought it was just another one of those Vatican II innovations they'd heard about.

At Communion a minute or two later, Fr. P was swaying more than usual and almost missed the second old lady's mouth with the wafer before he punched it home. He ran through the rest of the ceremony even faster than usual and walked right back into the sacristy. Eddie looked at me and raised his eyebrows; we'd always at least trooped across the front of the church along the Communion rail.

It seemed odd to do that without the priest, so we just grabbed the cross from its holder and ducked into the sacristy ourselves. Fr. P was gone by the time we got there; we shucked our robes and walked over to school, killing time outside for a few minutes before the janitor opened up.

Comes lunchtime and we're out on the playground. Eddie's not even noticing me anymore, of course, because there are other kids now and he wouldn't want to be associated with the class geek. I'm used to this and I'm leaning against the rough bricks of the school, hoping some younger kid will be dumb enough to draw the attention of the big kids and keep them from picking on me.

The key to not being noticed, of course, is not to look at anyone yourself, so I'm ostriching with my eyes pointed at my shoelaces and I don't know what's coming until my ear is being twisted so hard I see stars. Before I can react, I'm being pulled along and I see Eddie looming ahead, his eyes getting bigger and bigger. All the other kids drift away from him, but he's frozen in place and then I see a scrawny hand in a black sleeve reach past me and nab his ear, faster than a cobra taking down a mongoose.

The cackle that follows I immediately recognize as coming from Sister Mary Margaret, but I can't turn around to check because now she's double-timing us both back across the playground to where the other nuns are sitting on lawn chairs and reading from their prayer books. She stops us in front of Sister Juliet, our eighth-grade homeroom teacher.

Sister Juliet is the only nun in the school who looks to be under 50. It's hard to tell because her hair is all covered up by the headpiece (or at least it's supposed to be; with Sister Juliet there's usually a wisp of blond strands peeking out somewhere), but I'd guess now that she was in her early to mid-20s then. One thing about the nun's habits, the tight bands around their faces gave them automatic facelifts, so you couldn't go by wrinkles. But Sister Juliet's skin was still pink, not gray like most nuns, and she hadn't developed the thin-lipped scowl that was standard issue with the others.

Sister Juliet looks up, using one hand to shield her eyes from the sun. Before she can say anything, Sister Margaret is yapping. I'm thinking it's the candle smoke on the ceiling and wondering whether the old nun actually mapped out all the old charring, but no. "These two infidels," she says, yanking our ears for emphasis, "desecrated the holy altar of God this morning, Sister Juliet. That's the kind of thing this Vatican Council nonsense is leading us to. The blood of the lamb spilled all over my clean altar cloth, dripping onto the floor. Onto the floor!"

"Is that true, boys" Sister Juliet is looking straight into my eyes.

"Well, it wasn't our fault," I start to say. And Eddie pipes up, "Fr. Pascalitis..." Whatever he was going to say ends in a strangled "Eerrp" as Sister Margaret gives him another tweak.

"Of course it's true," she shouts. "And they'll pay for their sins, these heathens. They are going to clean the floor on their hands and knees, getting every drop of our Saviour's blood off that marble and then scrubbing it to a polish. Even if it takes all day, they'll learn the wages of sin!"

"Not until after school," Sister Juliet says, quietly. She's looking past me now, I guess into Sister Margaret's eyes. "And we must not keep them out too late, of course. I think an hour would be enough, don't you I believe Mother Superior would agree."

Sister Margaret just snorted, but she released our ears and we were able to go back into the school. A few years later I would figure out that Sister Juliet and a couple of the not-so-old older nuns, including the principal, who was also the superior of the convent, were allied against Sister Margaret and the rest of the hard-liners. Back then, though, it was unthinkable that nuns could disagree, so we figured it was just some kind of good cop-bad cop routine.

And the bad cop -- Sister Margaret, that is -- got us back at the end of the school day. Sister Juliet turned us over and watched as the older nun walked us toward the church, but as soon as the younger nun ducked back into the school building Sister Margaret had us by the lobes again. It was a cold, cold day, and even if any boiler could have kept that barn of a church warm, Sister Margaret was too stingy to fire it up in the middle of the afternoon just for the likes of us.

Our fingers were quickly numbed and our knees ached from the hard floor and I swear there wasn't more than a drop or two of wine there in the first place -- let alone wondering whether it really had been consecrated before it spilled -- but Sister Margaret kept us at it well past an hour before Sister Juliet came in the side door of the church and said our parents were calling the convent about us and wasn't it time we were getting home Sister Margaret had disappeared somewhere to wash the altar cloth, so Eddie and I gathered up our cleaning supplies and piled them in the sacristy and took off before she could get back.

Since no other kids were around by the time we escaped, Eddie was willing to walk home with me. Our conversation was devoted to our feelings about Sister Margaret, and "dried-up old penguin" was the nicest thing either of us said. We were just about a block from Eddie's house -- he lived kitty-corner and six doors up from me -- when I got the idea that I thought would not only produce the vengeance my heart craved but also the produce the regular-kid status my brain desired.

"Let's break the old bat's window," I said. I tended to mumble whenever I said bad things about nuns, though -- ingrained survival instinct from school -- so at first Eddie didn't know what I was talking about. "Let's break the old bastard into what" he said.

We sorted that out and he agreed that broken glass would be a worthwhile punishment. (In the years since I have wondered just how we thought that would work; was Mother Superior going to make her glaze the replacement window in herself All I can say is, it seemed like a good idea at the time.) Eddie, though, who had the street smarts I lacked, suggested we wait a week or two until someone else had gotten a chance to tick off Sister Margaret, so we wouldn't be the obvious suspects. We shook on the deal.

It was almost a month and getting close to the end of the school year before we had our chance. As fate would have it, Rondini was the one who rose up as a potential scapegoat, when Sister Margaret caught him shuffling through the papers on the lectern during a prayer service in church for some underprivileged country or another. It wasn't clear just what was so wrong with what he did, but Ken didn't help himself when he told Sister he had looked through the papers -- probably old sermons or something -- because he was bored waiting for his turn to read our prayer intentions. You could hear the entire class suck in its breath at once when he said that.

Exactly what Sister Margaret did to him I'll never know, but Eddie and I met after school (in his backyard, so no other kids could see us) and agreed that now was the time.

That evening was a Boy Scout meeting, and Eddie and I ducked out early during a firelight ceremony. (Well, actually two flashlights covered in red plastic and waved around a little; there was no way they'd let us have a real fire in the old school hall.) We gathered up some likely-looking stones from the gravel driveway of the rectory garage and, practicing our best Scout wilderness training, ran from bush to bush until we were in sight of the convent wall.

It was only then that we realized a major flaw in our plan. Being nuns, the good sisters kept their blinds and drapes tightly shut, especially at night. We could see lights pop on and off occasionally, but we had no way of knowing whose room was whose.

Eddie was all for picking one window at random and letting fly, but that was a step or two too far over the line between being an ordinary kid and being a JD for me. I knew it might cost me my only chance at mediocrity, but I talked Eddie out of it.

Two days later, Eddie passed me a note in class and we met in the boy's room. He had another idea. He wouldn't tell me exactly what it was, but we were each to tell our parents that after the next Scout meeting, in about a month, we would be sleeping over at the other kid's house.

That such a lame story worked for me isn't surprising; my reputation as a good boy was strongest at home, where even my sometimes resentful silences were interpreted as respect. That Eddie's parents swallowed the tale, not even bothering to check with my parents a few doors away, surprised me. Eddie was a typical eighth-grader -- which is to say, snotty, sneaky and disobedient. I can only guess that his parents thought no one would be dumb enough to tell a lie that could be caught so easily. Or else they didn't care, which, given the state of Eddie's clothes most days even when he'd just left the house, seems entirely possible.

This time we didn't even go to the Scout meeting. Eddie led me down an alley halfway between the church and our houses. There was a big, overgrown mulberry bush about 50 feet up the alley, and he ducked under its leaves while I stood guard outside. Two minutes later he was beside me again, dressed in even grungier clothes than usual, as he finished stuffing his Scout uniform into a paper bag. Then it was my turn. I wasn't thrilled about changing in the middle of an alley, and besides the bush was right next to a smelly garbage bin that was swarming with flies.

I knew I couldn't afford to skip out on my second chance at descending to Eddie's level, so I held my nose and changed -- which isn't easy to do at the same time, believe me. My mom had given me a duffel bag for my overnight stuff, and after I was done we snuck it and Eddie's paper bag into a gap in the fence near the bush's roots. Eddie grabbed some loose cardboard from a garbage bin a few doors down and covered up our stuff.

Eddie led us past the church and down another block, then up another alley. Being an ordinary kid was a lot dirtier than I had thought; we jumped a fence and hid in the weeds between two garages, and it smelled like the narrow space served as the bathroom when the neighborhood kids played ball.

Truth is, we used it ourselves while we were waiting -- for the Scout meeting to end, Eddie told me. About an hour after dark, we finally heard some guys walking past the alley and recognized Billy Kegelman's voice. He always stayed to last 'cause his dad was the scoutmaster, so we knew if he was leaving it was safe. A few minutes later, we crept out of the alley and over to the convent.

The building ran from the main street the church was on almost all the way to the street behind, with wide lawns in front and behind. The side facing the church was well-lighted because the shrines of the Madonna and St. Joe were there, and the spotlights bounced off the white sculptures. On the other side, where we crept up, the convent was separated from the school by a fencedin garden, about 50 feet across, with an asphalt drive between that and the side entrances of the school.

This was no picket fence; it was a chain-link that went up at least 12 feet. No barbed wire on top, though. I think it was high because kids played pinner against the school walls at lunch sometimes and they didn't want balls bouncing in, but the story we kids told was that a few of the nuns were crazy and the fence was there to keep them from escaping.

There were some floodlights on the school side of the driveway, and we stuck close to the fence to stay out of their glow, me right behind Eddie. I still didn't know what we were doing, but I was scared and looking back and forth all the time expecting something terrible. All of a sudden I look behind me and when I look back Eddie's disappeared, and I almost pissed my pants.

Then I hear a hiss and I'm afraid I did, but it's only Eddie and he's on the other side of the fence. There was a burrow about a foot deep at that point and I don't know whether it was from a dog or Eddie had been making preparations, although, given Eddie's IQ, I wouldn't figure him for the planning type.

That impression of Eddie's abilities was increased a few hours later. It must have been around 10 or 11; most of the lights in the convent were out. We'd been squatting on the ground and when Eddie started to move I couldn't get my legs working right away. By the time I caught up to him he was at the convent wall.

In a whispered conversation I found out that Eddie's entire plan for the evening consisted of getting into the convent through a basement window he'd noticed they left half-open most nights. After that, he said, we'd "wing it." I expressed some doubts as to the effectiveness of that, but Eddie ignored me and slunk along the wall until he'd found the open window. Shaking my head, I followed, going in on a wing and a prayer.

I guess if you're in a convent any old prayer will be answered, because we managed to get into the place without knocking anything over. It was pitch black and musty, though, and I had a feeling that I didn't want to know just how many spider webs we were going through as we felt our way around. I was the one who found the stairs, which at first I thought were shelves tipping over. Luckily I was by then way too scared even to squeak, and I just gasped waiting for the crash.

There was no particular logic in going up the stairs, but then we were way past logic at that stage anyway. If we were going to do anything to get back at Sister Margaret, we sure weren't going to accomplish it in the dark of the basement.

Having watched too many detective stories on TV, we knew enough to keep to the sides of the steps to avoid creaks. There was no light coming from under the door at the top, so we eased it open and crawled out onto a thin rug. Now we could make some things out in the dim light slipping through the drawn blinds. We were in the convent's kitchen, which was at the back. We slipped off our shoes and slid across the linoleum.

At the far end was a set of stairs leading up. They formed one wall of a long hallway that went all the way to the front. As I was looking down the hall at a small table-lamp beside the front door, I saw something move. A little shiver ran over me, and it turned to a full shake when I realized it was the hand of a nun sitting by the front door, turning the page of a book.

Eddie had already started up the stairs, but I tugged at his shirt and he came back to me. I pointed down the hall and was about to whisper a suggestion that we get out when we heard steps. We both looked up the stairs but couldn't make out anything; by the time we looked back toward the front we could hear Sister Margaret's rasp. "I'll take over now, Sister Juliet," she said. "Mustn't miss your beauty sleep." It didn't sound like a nice thing to say. That was the first time I realized nuns didn't always stick together.

Sister Juliet went upstairs. Sister Margaret, to our dismay, didn't settle into the chair. She paced up and down by the front door for a minute or two. Eddie and I squeezed onto the stairs leading up, peeking around a banister one in awhile. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," he whispered right in my ear, and I wanted to tell him that was a brilliant deduction.

But just then I looked around and saw Sister Margaret heading our way and I pushed Eddie up the stairs just as water pipes somewhere in the building started pounding. I would have settled for a few seconds' grace from a toilet flush, but this must have been a faucet because the noise kept going long enough for us to get all the way up the stairs.

Well, almost all the way up the stairs. The pipes quieted with a final thump just as I was about to put one foot onto the second-floor landing. In the quiet that seemed to drape the whole building then, the creak of that last step when I lifted my other foot sounded like a siren. I froze -- not the smartest move, because I was off-balance and my foot slapped back onto the stair, loosing another high-pitched squeak. By now my heart was pounding and I couldn't think. Eddie was in the same state, but here's where our different natures showed themselves.

Where my initial impulse in danger was to lie low, Eddie was a man of action. In this case, that action was to take off running down the hallway directly in front of us. I just crouched down and peeked out from behind my hands. I saw Eddie disappearing into the darkness. You might think I was weighing my alternatives, plotting out a foolproof escape. No way. But when I saw Eddie start to turn a corner I moved instinctively, slipping down a hallway to my left. A door there was ajar; I stepped inside and leaned against the wall.

Only then did it occur to me that I shouldn't have been able to see Eddie at all. The mystery of his visibility in the darkness was quickly solved when I heard steps moving closer and Sister Margaret's unmistakable voice beseeching a variety of saints to do very uncharitable things to this vile Satanic spawn she had captured, and on like that. She was almost screeching and I could hear doors opening all around me and nuns whispering back and forth. Looking back, it seems odd that they bothered whispering given that Sister Margaret was raising the devil at the top of her lungs, but I guess it was force of habit.

At the time, I was just worried about being discovered. I was safe for the moment; a quick glance assured me the small bed in the room was empty, and with just a chest of drawers and a straight-backed wooden chair as the only other furniture, it wasn't like there was any place someone could be hiding. Nor, I realized, was there anyplace I could hide if anyone looked inside. The bright angle of light from the hallway was enough to tell that.

Outside, several nuns were shushing Sister Margaret and jabbering at Eddie at the same time. Give him his due, the kid was a trooper; he didn't squeal.

Before long all the talking resolved itself into a decision to call Eddie's folks, and the pastor, and the cops. Awful as all that sounded, I had a feeling Eddie would rather take his lumps from any of those three than face the wrath of Sister Margaret.

As the group moved away, I had time to look around the room some more. It was kind of like how I'd figured it: bare walls, no decoration but a crucifix on one wall. Not even a mirror. There was a single bookshelf on the wall above the bed, about half-full. I couldn't make out the titles; the light through the curtains on the one window was too dim and the light from the door stopped short. But that window seemed to grow brighter as I stared at it and realized it might be my only way out. I was about to head for it when I heard a creak right next to my ear and saw the room's door begin to open.

I flattened against the wall and considered my options. I didn't have any. The only thing going for me was that I was on the hinge side of the door; if someone just opened it and looked inside I'd be out of sight. I thought I'd won that small grace when the door stopped halfway.

"Sister Juliet!" Sister Margaret's voice sounded so close I thought she was in the room with me. "How many times must you be told you must wear your full habit at all times when outside your room"

"Yes, sister," my homeroom teacher said, and though her voice was soft I realized she was even closer. "But I was just washing up..."

"No excuses before God, sister! What if that despicable devil who invaded our sanctuary had seen you!"

"What devil What was that commotion I heard"

Sister Margaret explained, at length and including some involved words that I don't think get used much anymore outside of exorcisms. She rounded out the story and was working her way back to Sister Juliet's clothes while sweat trickled down my neck. I was glancing around the room, looking for any kind of hiding place, when I noticed the bare light bulb in the middle of the ceiling. I could just make out the fuzzy outline of the faint shadow it cast. I decided that if the light went on I would make an immediate dash for the window.

The chances of my getting there, getting the window open and climbing out before anyone got to me were slim, but maybe I would get lucky; maybe the window was already open. Weren't those drapes moving ever so slightly I figured that with two giant steps and a leap I could clear the sill, if the blinds didn't tangle me up. OK, I'd have to yank them aside. And then, well, wasn't there a small porch on the back of the convent How far a drop could it be

Brave plans. But outside the door, the talking had stopped and the door was beginning to open. I didn't wait for the light to go on. My instincts kicked in.

I crawled around the dresser to my left and huddled in the corner. What can I say My instincts had kept me safe so far.

If Sister Juliet had flipped on the light, I'm sure I would have screamed. Maybe it's a nun thing, but she left the light out. I went through a long line of saints, promising each one months of prayer and good works, if only I could somehow, some way, get out of this. Meanwhile Sister Juliet closed the door behind her and I swear she looked right at me. Only the time it took her eyes to adjust from the hallway light to the darkened room may have saved me.

I was concentrating on breathing as slowly and quietly as I could, but my mind was telling me there was something odd about the nun. I couldn't figure it out; she looked, as far as I could see in the faint light, the same as usual, same habit, same -- that was it. The same habit, same veil, the works. What was that breach of propriety Sister Margaret was yapping about Just then the light in the hallway snapped off, and in the split second that it did my eyes went to the floor and I saw the awful omission that could have, as Sister Margaret said, put Eddie into an occasion of sin if he had seen it: Sister Juliet was barefoot. I felt as if she and I were allies now, against Sister Margaret.

Not that I considered for a second pointing that out, or saying or doing anything else to draw attention to myself. I stayed huddled in my corner.

Sister Juliet had moved to the far side of the room and seemed to be doing something underneath her habit; all I could see was some vague motion. Then some white cloth appeared in her hand and she placed it on the chair beside her.

In the years since I have done a bit of reading on the subject, and if you cared I could explain in great detail the name, placement and purpose of every piece of cloth that appeared in the next few minutes. Suffice it to say that nuns in those days were more heavily armored than football players. In fact, with the way the starch made the shoulders of the tunic stick out and the way the rope cinched around their waists drew in the cloth, nuns back then looked a lot tougher than linemen. A lot has changed for both sides since then.

I had a vague inkling that what I was seeing was much more like a real occasion of sin than Eddie's potential sighting of naked toes. A certain feeling in my groin added to my certainty. Maybe for some boys the thought of a naked nun is a turn-on, but up until then I had only thought of wool and beads as a uniform and nuns as, well, nuns. Now I realized all that cloth was just clothing and nuns were real people -- real women -- and they were naked underneath. Even if I got out of this alive, I knew, the last few days of class would never be the same.

Sister Juliet walked over to the bed now, just a few feet from me. But she didn't look in my direction; she just picked up a pile of white cloth that unfolded into what looked like a long nightgown as she shook it loose. She still looked the same on the outside, with the habit and veil, but I knew there was actual honestto -goodness skin underneath.

Only it didn't look like I was going to see anyway, because Sister slipped the nightgown on over her habit. This was getting just plain weird. Since that time, I've read that nuns were taught these overly prim dressing methods as part of their training. In fact, Sister Juliet's routine was a bit more liberal than some I've read about. I gather the idea was that even the sight of her own body was too tempting for a nun to see, which makes you wonder just how they went to the bathroom. Well, don't. It's every bit as silly as you'd think.

Silly is also the word that came to mind that night as Sister Juliet seemed to struggle with her habit under the nightgown. I'm not sure, but she might even have sworn under her breath once or twice when her arm got tangled up. Finally, with a sigh, she lifted the gown off and tossed it onto the chair. Arms free again, she undid some knots and began to lift the bulky black habit over her head.

It was not lost on me as the hem of the habit rose higher that I was seeing a nun's legs, and that soon I could be seeing a lot more. But my survival instinct finally turned from hide to hie, and I hied right over the bed heading for the window.

Did I mention that puberty had left me a bit, well, ungainly Do you know what would happen if an ungainly 18-year-old tried to leap over a small bed in one bound In the dark With a now large and definitely rigid penis to distract him

It wasn't pretty.

The fall came in slow motion, or at least slow enough for me to wrap my arms around my head before I tumbled onto the corner of the bed and then rolled onto the floor.

Sister Juliet got a bit tangled up in her habit, but she was loose by the time I got back on my feet. She looked right at me, but neither of us had a chance to speak before there was a knock on the door. It was Sister Margaret, demanding to know what was going on. I stood stock still. Sister Juliet looked at me and slowly turned to the door. "Nothing, Sister Margaret," she whispered. "I just stumbled."

With a crack about stumbling from the path, Sister Margaret went away, grumbling. Sister Juliet put a finger to her lips and held it there for a minute.

"She's gone now," the young nun said. "You're safe, for now."

Lives there a boy who could carry on an intelligent conversation with a naked nun And a very beautiful naked nun, at that. Sister Juliet's skin seemed almost to glow, it was so pale. The light from the window, filtered by the drapes and blinds, caressed her like moon-glow. She stood about 5-4, I'd guess, several inches shorter than me, but her legs seemed longer than mine, or maybe it was the way the light hit her hip.

She was slim, which I would've guessed, although with the sack habits you could never be sure. Turned toward me, what lay between her legs was in shadow, but the light caught the side of one breast, one perfect, round breast. She wore nothing but her veil, black cloth that covered her hair and hung down just between her shoulder blades; the starched white piece that ran across her forehead let some hair escape, as usual.

Maybe it was because nuns aren't used to being nude, but Sister Juliet didn't try to cover herself at all. Her hands were on her hips, the same way she faced us in class on those afternoon when we'd been a little rowdy and needed settling down.

I was fully clothed, except for my shoes, which I still clung to, but I felt the urge to cover myself. It could have been my boner or it could have been a reaction to Sister's nudity; I don't know.

Whatever, Sister Juliet didn't seem to notice. When I didn't respond to her question, she went on whispering, telling me that Sister Margaret was on the alert so I probably couldn't get out the back way. Did I have a suggestion My classroom self kicked in and I raised my hand; she smiled and nodded for me to speak.

The window, I hissed. The drop, she warned. The porch, I explained.

She pulled back the drapes and carefully raised the blinds. I was standing next to her now, and when her bare arm brushed mine I thought I'd swoon. She didn't seem to notice, but went right on raising the blinds and then slipped the latches on the window. It occurred to me that her room was almost as well secured as her body had been by all those layers. I was just glad summer hadn't arrived yet and the screens weren't up.

We had to pull together to get the window to budge, and then we both stopped at the same second when it broke free and started to fly up. It was lucky we did, for that's just when the dogs barked.

I slipped to the left of the window; Sister jumped to the right. We both slipped our heads around the sill and looked down.

The pastor kept two Dobermans, animals so lean you could see every muscle rippling beneath the skin. They were what we used to scare the first-graders with: If you don't say everything right in Confession, Father'll know and he'll throw you to the dogs. Now these two land sharks were right below us. We could hear the pastor, old Father Joe, talking to someone -- probably Sister Margaret, who was rapidly becoming my personal avenging angel. "I'll keep the dogs out for at least a few hours, Sister," he said. "The boys could use a little exercise. Don't you worry, no one's going to try to get into the convent with them around."

Or try to get out, either, I decided.

Sister must have agreed, because she motioned to me and we silently slid the window closed; she ran down the blinds and pulled the drapes back into place.

We sat down on the edge of her bed. My mind was into complete overload: bed, nun, nude. On the other hand: dogs, Sister Margaret, my parents. Should I have been paying more attention to the class about the Last Rites Could there possibly be a more extreme unction, whatever an unction was, than the situation I was in

It was a reasonably warm night, but I was now shivering full-bore and my teeth were even chattering. Sister put her arm around me and hugged me to her, whispering for me to calm down. Calm down Sister Juliet's left breast was now smack dab against the side of my right arm. I looked down and I could see both breasts, and even -- no, that couldn't be -- yes, a dark triangle in her lap that I recognized from the Playboy I'd seen once over the shoulder of one of the cooler kids before the gang had elbowed me out of the way.

Sex education being what it was back then, I had come to the conclusion that the fur must be what the guys called a pussy. Seemed logical at the time. I had a notion that there must be something else to it, because they talked about "putting it inside her," and the hairy patch had seemed too short to go inside of, but then the guys weren't very strong on grammar so who knew There were a lot of mysteries to their language. To this day I don't know exactly what they meant when they said they had "made out," even though I'm betting I've done it myself a few times.

The point is, I could now see as much of Sister Juliet as I had ever seen of any woman, and that had been just on paper. This was flesh. Warm flesh, I noted, as her breast rode against my arm. Soft, warm flesh.

Somewhere along the line as we had tried the window my cock had deflated -- I'd guess it was when the dogs showed up -- but now it was rising again, bending painfully against my briefs and jeans. I swear the original Levi must have been a eunuch; those things always seem to get smaller the bigger you get, and that zipper is surely the nastiest, sharpest, roughest thing anyone but a masochist would ever put near his cock.

In short, I had stopped shivering but was now cringing in pain as Sister quietly went over the situation like it was a classroom lesson. The window was out; the dogs were a cinch for at least a couple of hours, and we both knew there was no way a klutz like me could outrun them even if I had a full block lead. The doors were out; if Sister Margaret didn't get me I'd still have the dogs. I suggested the basement window and hiding in the garden, figuring there was no point in keeping our entry a secret now.

Sister Juliet briefly considered the possibility of staging a diversion that would keep Sister Margaret occupied while I slipped away. But we both agreed that there was no real cover in the garden, and if the dogs caught a whiff of me I'd be a goner. My only chance, Sister Juliet said, was to wait until around 5 a.m. By then Fr. Joe would surely have called it quits, and that's when Sister Margaret was due to be relieved by old Sister Ardethine. She was half-blind and totally deaf, so I should have no problem sneaking out the back way when she was guarding the front. It would still be dark enough for me to get away; I assured Sister I could stay out of trouble until it was a reasonable hour for me to go back home.

That meant a wait of just about six hours, but I wasn't going to quibble at the delay. I was so relieved to have a solution that didn't involve my being ripped into pieces by slavering Dobermans that I slipped my hand around Sister's back and gave her a big hug.

A real big hug. Before I knew what I was doing, my arms were wrapped around Sister Juliet's naked torso, her breasts crushed against my chest. I felt the starchy cloth of her headpiece against my cheek. It was a wonderful moment.

Which, naturally, I ruined by becoming overbalanced and tipping us both over onto our backs. We rolled toward each other and Sister Juliet's smooth face was just an inch or so from mine as I stared directly into her eyes. I could feel her breath.

I could also feel a pain in my right arm, trapped at an odd angle beneath her. I said something suave, like "Ow," and she lifted herself up slightly so I could pull free. On the way out my hand slid along her breast. My thumb made contact with her nipple, which was now stiff. I would like to say that my strong religious upbringing caused me to remove my hand at once and say a few Acts of Contrition, but actually I - - well, I squeezed. It was my first breast, and I wasn't going to let it go so easily.

What was going through Sister's head then I cannot know, but I suspect that's when she finally realized she was naked in bed with an eighth grade boy. I further suspect that they never covered this eventuality in nun school, because she didn't do a thing. Her eyes opened wide and she moaned a little, which I'm not vain enough to think was a tribute to my skillful manipulation of her tit, but she didn't pull away.

My hormones decided that the absence of a "no" was as good as a "yes," and my left hand swung over and placed itself gently on Sister Juliet's other breast. I now had two handfuls of firm but yielding nun flesh and if I thought my cock was in agony before, that was nothing compared with the pain as the engorged tool strained against my constricting jeans. No pain, no gain, I thought, as I continued to massage Sister's breasts, rubbing my thumbs over the nipples. "We shouldn't," she whispered, but she still wasn't moving, and she was looking me right in the eye.

Her pale lips were parted slightly. In the dim light her face looked like one of the angels in the Madonna shrine, all smooth graceful curves. I leaned forward and kissed her lightly.

There are patron saints for all sorts of things, but I'm pretty sure there is no saint whose job is to watch over oversexed teenagers putting the moves on nuns. If that's true, I don't know how to explain my actions that night, because I went into Sister Juliet's room a social misfit who had no sexual experience and little knowledge. But somehow I managed to avoid doing anything really stupid that would have broken the moment. Maybe it was because I was so scared; maybe some remnant of the respect I'd been trained to have for nuns was translating my raging hormones into gentle caresses. Or maybe even a nun can get hot enough to ignore her lover's fumbling.

Whatever the reason, there was no interruption and my light kiss turned into another and another and got longer and longer. My hands moved up and down Sister Juliet's silken body, sliding around the delicious curves of her legs and over the incredibly lush mounds of her ass. About the time we discovered tonguekissing, Sister slid one long, lithe leg over mine and I silently shot a load into my briefs.

I had done the deed before, of course, mostly to erotic fantasies about one or another of the Gabor sisters. So sue me; I like accents. The point is, I knew that what I had was called an orgasm -- it's amazing what you can learn from a collegiate dictionary -- but I wasn't entirely sure whether coming in my jeans met the strict definition of "having sex." I knew that doing it by yourself didn't, but after all, there was a woman in the room.

A rather aroused woman by that point, too. Sister Juliet had slipped her hands underneath my t-shirt and was rubbing them up and down my hairless chest as her leg wrapped itself around my waist. In between two of our hot kisses, she grabbed my cotton shirt and pulled it over my head, flinging it aside. Later on I found it draped over the crucifix. That might be irony, even though it was a wooden cross.

Sister's tits pressed right into my skin then, and my arms held her to me tightly. Our kisses were broken now only when we had to take a breath, or when we each went in search of tender flesh, kissing and licking each other's necks, shoulders, cheeks. Sister slid her tongue into my ear and I almost screamed; I returned the favor and her gentle kisses on my shoulder turned into an out-and-out bite.

We were driving each other crazy, but I still had my pants on and my hands hadn't been anywhere near Sister's G spot, or any other part of her erotic alphabet except her tits and her ass. It was a case of the blind leading the blind, or at least the blind doing the blind. We'd run over first base and second and rounded third, but we couldn't seem to find home plate.

Sister got us started in the right direction when her hand stroked over my hip and landed, by accident I'm sure, on top of my still rigid member. I groaned, softly, or she might have just kept going. Instead, she began rubbing up and down and I had to break our kiss as my head fell back and my breath came in short, sharp gasps. I fumbled at my belt and yanked it loose while Sister kept up her massage. I was so horny that I tried to pull my jeans off without even unzipping them first. Sister helped, then, and I kicked my pants off as her soft hands molded themselves to my cock, still inside my soaked briefs.

We were still dancing on the base-paths, though. I had bent my head down to take one of Sister Juliet's tits into my mouth and I was suckling it while one hand twiddled the other nipple; she was giving me a hand job through my underwear and twisting her legs madly, but it didn't get serious until, as I was caressing her flat stomach, my hand reached the edge of her fur patch and kept going and suddenly one of my fingers slid home.

I wasn't the smartest kid in the class for nothing. I realized in a flash just what the guys did when they "put it in," and I had no doubt that what they put in was no finger.

Sister got the idea, too, because she immediately pulled my briefs off. I'm no super stud, and my cock is nothing more than average size and thickness, but I guess to a nun even a pencil dick would have been a big deal. Anyway, Sister gasped when my tool popped free, which alone gave me enough self-confidence to get all the way through four years of high school gym classes.

I slipped off my socks, too -- why, I don't know -- but Sister still had her veil on and I've got to admit, on her at that moment it was incredibly sexy.

Sister had rolled completely over onto her back and spread her legs wide. I crawled between them, my cock hanging down, until I felt the tip make contact with her wetness. I tried several quick lunges then, but missed the mark and rode up onto her belly. This sex thing was not as obvious as it seemed. Sister was wriggling underneath me, which didn't make my aim any easier. I even tried grabbing hold of my tool and poking away, but the dark and my eagerness plus my complete and utter inexperience produced nothing but some frustrating, albeit still exciting, misfires.

Finally Sister reached down herself and guided me in, holding my cock steady at her entrance while she rubbed up and down against it. I wasn't sure if I was going in or just wishing I was until the ridge of the tip popped up into her and there was no longer any room for doubt.

Nor much room for my cock, either. Sister was extremely tight, though at the time I had no grounds for comparison. Her sugar walls gripped me like a vise, and I was afraid to push in any further for fear I'd hurt something.

Sister Juliet stood that only so long before she began humping up at me, urging me deeper. Her breath came in hot puffs and her hands gripped my ass tightly until I got with the program and began to stroke. A couple of inches in or so, I ran into a definite roadblock, and this time even Sister didn't seem eager to ram through. We stopped the motion there, with my cock half-buried in her, and turned our attention back to kissing and groping. Sweat was already pooling on her chest and her breasts were salty when I licked them each in turn.

At last we could take no more. I began to stroke again, slowly, at the same instant as Sister's ass started to squirm under me. In three strokes I was at the obstruction again; three more and I was through, with a slight whimper from Sister. She clutched me for a minute, her legs wrapped so tightly around me that I couldn't move, her fingers digging into my sweaty back. Gradually, she relaxed, and we moved in synch, one thrust answered with another. My cock plunged deeper and deeper into her hot, wet hole until I bottomed out, my sparse pubic hairs grinding against her more luxuriant patch.

We'd probably been wrestling on the bed for a half-hour by then, but we hadn't said more than a dozen words. Now Sister pulled my head down to her, our bodies sliding easily together. "Oh, sweet Jesus," she sighed in my ear. "Sweet mother, yes, child, just like that. Oh, God!"

She was, I don't know, 20-something, and I was just 18, but we were equally naive and maybe that's why we fit so well. My cock slid into her tunnel with perfect timing, and she seemed to know just when to hump back to squeeze out an extra iota of ecstasy. But it wasn't all by instinct on my part; she helped, coaching me: slower, faster, harder; warning me to relax and just hold her now and then. Our passion stretched out endlessly and I seemed to feel every nerve ending on my tool tingling. We kissed again, hungrily, and it was like the kisses were now more important than breathing.

"Harder, now, harder!" Sister whispered in my ear, and I slammed into her. "More, more!" she gasped, and I lifted almost all the way out and drove it home, again and again. The bed began to shake under us, but almost before it began Sister Juliet's legs clamped around me, and a few seconds later her fingers clawed into my back. I heard her catch her breath, and then her body went rigid. For a minute or more I couldn't move, wrapped inside her, as she convulsed over and over, each wave tumbling into the next.

I rode her like a body surfer, hanging on while her legs spread wide and she bucked and heaved. "Blessed Virgin, yes!" she sighed at last as she came to rest and brought her knees up again, sheltering me.

I let her rest a few minutes, but my cock was still hard and I needed some release. Slowly, gently, I began to stroke again. Her tunnel was soaked, and friction was hard to find, so I jiggled from side to side, twisting in. Sister purred and so I kept it up, a steady rhythm that she passively accepted, drilling her sopping wet hole.

Sweat was streaming into my eyes and my hair was plastered to my forehead; I could feel the water pour off me when Sister Juliet slid her hands down to my ass and pushed me deeper in. My knees gave out and I was supporting myself only on my arms, but ecstasy overcame exhaustion. In and out, like a metronome, until at last I felt something building.

In all my solo sessions, even when I had creamed while Sister and I were petting, I had never had a feeling like that. Those other times it had come on quickly and was over in a second. Now it built and built, and twice I felt myself dangling on the edge for so excruciatingly long that I had to stop; the feeling was too intense.

At last, the feeling crested and I knew this was it. "Sister, Sister, Sister," I hissed over and over as my strokes grew slower and deeper until the explosion came, and so did I. The hot jism felt like fire and the pumping kept going and going, and when it was over, instead of disappearing at once, my hard-on slowly ebbed. Finally it was done, and all of a sudden I could feel the ache in my arms and I rolled onto my side. Sister rolled over to face me. When I put out my hand to her, I could feel the sheets soaking wet beneath her.

"Is that all" Sister Juliet asked. My mouth fell open. All I'd suddenly gone from being the only boy in eighth grade who didn't know what a nookie was to being the only one -- well, I was pretty sure, anyway -- who'd ever had sex with an older woman. And a nun. My mind was already blown six ways to Sunday and this woman wanted more

Yeah, she did. "It's only 1:15," she said with a smile that melted me. The one thing about Sister Juliet that really kept us guys from stepping over that line from rowdy to downright misbehaving was that smile. Tiny dimples formed and her eyes glistened and it made you feel warm all over. Once, in the second week of school that year, a few guys had gotten into a spitball fight. It was the usual thing when we ran into a nun new to the school, testing out the limits, and Sister Juliet had never yelled at us or hit anyone or done any of the other things the real tyrant nuns did, so these guys must have figured they had free rein.

Sister stopped the fight by walking right into the middle of it. She didn't say a word, then or ever, about what those guys had done. But for the next two weeks we didn't see that smile again in class. That was when we -- or at least I -- realized what we were missing. It was the smile that set Sister Juliet apart from the other nuns, even Mother Superior, who was no tyrant herself. But Mother Superior's smile was just a smile, just a pat on the head. Sister Juliet's smile was like the sun after a rainy morning, and you expected rainbows to appear on the walls and the sweet smell of flowers opening.

Now that smile was directed full force at me. How I could see it all so clearly in the still darkened room I'll never know. I guess my memory filled in the details. But with that smile Sister had already convinced me.

Unfortunately, the smile could lift my spirits but it couldn't lift my cock. She massaged it, rubbed her leg against it, to no effect.

Sister's smile was beginning to fade. I tried to think sexy thoughts, but I had to give it up. What could be sexier than the body of Sister Juliet wrapped around mine If that reality wouldn't work, no fantasy could.

The only thing I could think of was to give Sister at least a little satisfaction. This time when my fingers found her cleft, they were there to stay. It was hot and slippery, even a little bit sticky, and I didn't know enough about anatomy to know what I was looking for, but I stuck my middle finger inside and Sister fell back against the sheets again.

With my left hand busy down below, my right reached out to her breast. Once again I felt its soft weight, and her nipple grew rigid under my touch. All the while I was driving my finger into her hole, and quiet, guttural moans as her head rolled back and forth told me that was the right thing. When my thumb discovered a hard bump at the entrance to her valley, her legs closed around my arm so tight they cut off the circulation for a second. She kept clenching and unclenching them as I worked away. "So good, so good," she said, and it sounded like when she was rewarding me for a good answer in class.

I was concentrating on my manipulations so much that I missed it the first time Sister said it: "Look who's back," she said again, and I looked. Like a dark flagpole, my cock stood tall again against the shadows.

"Hallelujah," Sister Juliet whispered. I tried to rise onto her again, but when my arm buckled under me she rolled me onto my back and took control.

She rose onto her knees and straddled me. Between the twin mounds of her breasts I could see her smiling at me again, the white band of her veil like a halo around her. As gentle as a saint, she moved forward until my cock was rubbing against her pubic patch. She began to move against me, smearing my balls with the ooze from her hole. Her tits bounced enticingly and I reached up and took hold of them. In a moment Sister lifted her body up and I felt the warmth of her tunnel at the tip of my cock. She came down slowly, agonizingly slowly, and she fit me like a hand in a glove. I nearly swooned from the now-familiar sensation as she took me all the way in.

She held me like that as my hands played with her globes. Then she bent down and kissed me full and hard, our lips pressing together while our tongues darted back and forth. Her nipples tapped on my chest, and I wanted to push into her but her ass had me pinioned.

I wrapped my hands around the back of her headpiece, pulling her to me, but this was her time. All too soon for me she rose up again.

Then, in a move that took my breath away, she rose excruciatingly slowly on my pole. I could feel the folds of her tunnel opening up and sliding along my tool, the coolness of the air as each centimeter of cock emerged from the opening in Sister Juliet. At the very top of her rise, with just the head of my cock inside her, Sister suddenly drove down, fast and hard. If it was possible for me to bury even deeper into her than before, I did it then. And over and over again, as she slammed herself against me. The bed shook, but nun's beds had no springs so there were no squeaks to give us away.

The next day, I discovered that I'd bitten my lip hard enough to leave two deep indentations and a little raw flesh. I think it was then that I did it, with Sister plunging onto me so hard I thought the bed would collapse beneath us. My hands had worked their way down to the intoxicating curves of her hips, and I could feel her muscles tensing and letting go as she drove up and down.

Again, and again, and again, and now it was sweet agony as every move turned the ridge of my cock's head into a flaming ring. My eyes were squeezed almost shut and my hands fell back onto the bed. I couldn't return Sister's thrusts; I could barely breath. This time, when she came, her walls contracted around my tool, so tight I thought I could never get loose. Tight and tighter, her muscles massaged my painfully rigid cock.

Each second I was sure I could take it no longer. My fingers dug into the sheet, pulling it loose as I wadded it into my fists. I had to fight to draw a breath. My toes curled; the tendons in my legs stretched to the maximum. And then it was over. I was jelly, unable to move a muscle. It felt as if the skin on my face was sagging into puddles.

And then again, Sister Juliet's tunnel closed on my cock, just for a few seconds of indescribable sensations. Blissful peace again, and then a surge. Her orgasm ebbed away slowly, and I think it was a full 10 minutes before the last gentle throbbing ended.

Sister's head hung down for a few seconds, before she came down, almost falling, on top of me. She had taken me in the middle of her small bed; I had to move aside to give her room to roll onto the sheets. She lay on her side briefly, but even that was too much, and I slid right to the end of the bed, rising onto my side as she slumped face down, arms curling around the one small pillow.

I was, somehow, still erect, and the perfect globes of Sister Juliet's naked ass were too tempting. I rolled on top of her, my cock resting in the valley between those beautiful mounds. Stroking up and down, I kissed her slick back gently. She began to stir when I reached the nape of her neck, and a sigh escaped when my tongue found her ear.

If I were given to boasting, I'd say I discovered anal sex then. Truth is the thought of putting my tool there would never have occurred to me, and if anyone had mentioned it I'm sure I would have been repulsed. (OK, the full truth is I've never done it to this day. Always had enough to keep myself occupied without it, I guess.)

What did happen is that the combination of sweat and cum had Sister's ass so slippery that on one stroke my cock went down instead of forward, and we accidentally discovered doggie style.

At first my cock just rode over the entrance to her tunnel, but Sister Juliet began to shimmy against it and from somewhere got the strength to rise onto her knees, waving that perfect butt up at me. It was easier to aim from that angle, and my pole slipped into her in one push. She was so lubricated by then, though, that I kept sliding out.

I leaned forward and grabbed on to her breasts from behind, pushing my pole as deep into her as I could and restraining my movements to short strokes. That worked great, and we got back into a rhythm, twitching together.

In this new position, I found a different kind of friction, too, helped along when Sister put one hand onto my cock, stroking it as it left her body. When she ran her fingertips along the bottom of it I almost shot, but I grimaced and held back, sliding back into her for a few moments to let the feeling pass.

That gave me some extra time, but not much. A few short strokes later and I could feel the feeling again. I picked up the pace, pounding my cock into Sister Juliet. Long years in the Church must have given us strong knees, because neither one of us weakened despite what had become hours of passion. Sister's head was burrowed into her thin pillow, and her veil had become matted to her back. There wasn't a part of her, or me, that wasn't soaking wet and hot as flame. The sweat was running so hard I had to snort to clear my nose, and my knees were threatening to slip on the sheets, but I held on and continued to blast away.

This time my orgasm was no explosion. As I reached the crest of sensations, my cock suddenly seemed to grow numb. I pushed in desperately and got a shadow of the old feeling, as if I were shooting blanks. My cock throbbed several times, I shook all over and then my muscles went weak again. It was over.

We huddled then like spoons, Sister's ass pillowing my shrunken cock. The bed was a wet, cold mess, but we were beyond caring. I wrapped my right arm around her waist, my forefinger slipping into her navel. We moved only to let her tug her veil free from underneath my head, and then we both drifted off to sleep.

It was still dark when I awoke, but I could smell something. Well, yeah, that, but something else, bitter and -- coffee! I was freaked; how was I going to get out now if all the nuns were downstairs for breakfast

Sister Juliet, who woke up and rubbed her eyes after I shook her, didn't seem as upset. She was sure it was only the pot of java Sister Margaret slipped on at the end of her shift. Like a lot of old people, the caffeine seemed more of a sleeping aid than a jolt to her, Sister said. But I was still worried, so Sister checked her watch, buried under the pile of clothes on her chair. It was 4:30.

I got out of bed and gathered up my clothes. Sister Juliet, after wadding the sheet up and tossing it aside, got back on the bed. She kept reaching out after me and caressing my thighs or butt as I moved around. I was mostly concerned about getting out of there, but I guess she suspected this would be her last chance at anything and she didn't want to let it go so soon.

I've got to admit, my spirit was willing, too. Sister Juliet's body glistened in the faint light like a garden of earthly delights, and the memory of being inside the nun's hot box was heavenly. But my flesh was way, way too weak -- at least the crucial piece of flesh, which hung down like a dead snake.

My Eve grabbed the snake and tried rubbing it against the apples of her breasts, but it was nothing doing. She pouted as she looked down at it. I was disappointed, too, but time was passing too quickly and I still had to get dressed.

Sister Juliet wouldn't let go, though, and insisted she had to kiss it goodbye.

And so we discovered oral sex. I'd heard guys talking about a "blow job," and I'd even used the term myself, in a metaphorical sense, but I had only a guess at what it really meant. That it was more of a suck job than a blow became pretty darn obvious, though, when my cock began to respond to Sister's gentle kisses and she took it into her mouth.

Since that time I've never had a woman volunteer to do it, and the few who have done it at my urging didn't appear to get very excited at the prospect. But Sister Juliet was almost worshiping my tool, inhaling it to the root even as it grew and stiffened. Only when I was at my limit was she unable to take it all in.

Of all the things I've seen in my life, the one vision that I hope will stay with me to my dying day is what I saw looking down at Sister Juliet stretched out on the bed, one arm propping herself up while the other held my rigid member and guided it in and out of her soft lips. The way her cheek bulged as she took me in, and hollowed as she slowly slid me out. The times she looked up at me with doe eyes, gazing at me while my cock continued to slip in and out. Her legs writhing on the mattress, twisting around and over each other. The sparse hairs of my patch tickling her nose on the downstrokes. Incredible.

With my cock now fully erect, I grabbed onto Sister's veil with both hands and began to pull her face toward me. I was too eager and she started to gag, and her headpiece was pulled askew. When I let up, she popped my penis out of her mouth and took a few deep breaths. I thought it was over.

Instead, she reached back and undid the veil, shaking it free. Her blond hair was very short, almost as short as mine, and she looked boyish. But her body was no boy's, just every boy's dream. She rose off the bed and held me to her and we kissed again, hard and hungrily, as if it was the last time either one of us would ever do it again. I pressed my hands along the ridge of her back, into the dip at the bottom, clenching her firm butt as my cock pulsed against her belly. Her hands entwined themselves in my hair and pulled me deeper and deeper into the kiss. Time lost its meaning and the only thought in my head was of Sister Juliet and her sweet, sweet body.

We did it that last time on the floor, on a bare cotton throw rug, with the one pillow from the bed folded double and bunched under Sister's ass. I entered her slowly again, and her flower opened up to me a petal at a time. When I was all the way in and her velvety tunnel closed around the base of my cock, I bent down to adore her breasts. I took each into my mouth again and again, licking the sides tantalizingly before reaching the center of passion at the tip. My tongue flicked against the nipple while my fingers memorized the curves and I soon had Sister moaning quietly.

Now it was time again, and I began the motion, my hips bucking up and down as Sister returned the favor. It was all slow motion now, savoring every centimeter, till we were down to each individual nerve cell, it seemed, waiting for each one to fire out its message before pushing on to the next. "Glory, glory, glory," Sister Juliet sighed, and I answered, "Amen."

At one point I lifted my torso up and swung her legs to my shoulders, narrowing her opening and creating new levels of ecstasy for us. My hands fluttered up and down the supple muscles of her thighs as I kept up the steady tattoo of my cock inside her.

I dove between her feet again, and her legs locked around me as our passion continued. I was moving my cock from side to side now, scraping against her walls, but even that wasn't enough for her. Sister Juliet slid her own hand between us and I could feel her frantically fiddling with herself even as I drove in and out.

At some point, without speaking, we rolled over, still joined. Sister was on top now, and I alternated between manhandling her bouncing tits and stroking at her love button as she rode me as hard as before. I could feel the juices pouring down my cock and all over my groin, but slick as she was Sister's passion was driving her fast enough to keep my cock entertained.

Once again I let my hands fall back and just enjoyed it all, the delicious pain. Sister was pounding my prick so hard I was afraid that she'd miss the mark on a downstroke and bend it in two before I could do a thing, but the danger just made it more exciting.

When she began to wear out, we shifted positions again. This time I sat on the floor with my back against the bed; Sister Juliet squatted over me and we ended our lovemaking as we had begun in, our lips pressed together, our tongues darting back and forth, lost in each other.

Our thrusts slowed, bit by bit, until she was stopping on each upstroke with just the tip of the tip of my penis inside her, then sliding down, allowing me to feel her opening around me, slowly, slowly, swallowing me into her warmth, enrobing me in hot passion. Up, again, such sweet sorrow, and down. It was more than either one of us could take.

I felt it again, that cliff's-edge feeling, and I warned her but she'd already sensed it somehow, and she was nearing her own peak, and we rushed up to it and slowed just at the edge, one last thrust, deep, deep inside, our bodies closer than ever, one flesh, one desire, and then the exultation, a hot river surging through me and into her body, gushing into her, as she shivered and shook, her muscles clenching and letting go, milking me dry. We let the moment linger, our real orgasms fading into just the memories so imperceptibly I couldn't tell when they really ended.

I was spent, utterly spent, not tired or aching, just completely lifeless, my cock withering within Sister Juliet. I never wanted to leave her.

But far too soon -- any shift would have been too soon, but this was wrenching -- we moved from the sublime to the ridiculous, for we heard voices outside in the hall. I jumped up and Sister groped for her watch: 5:10. These were the early birds; in just five minutes every nun in the convent was to be up and about, preparing for the day. I scrambled into my clothes; Sister helped. She assured me she would be all right on her own, when I offered to help her with her habit. One sock dangling from a pocket and my shirt only half tucked-in, I got to the door and opened it a crack to peek outside. It looked clear. Carefully I began to edge it open more. From nowhere a shadow loomed and a knuckle rapped on the door. "Hurry, Sister Juliet," a voice whispered. "It's our day to cook, you know!"

Behind me, Sister Juliet murmured something like an acknowledgement, but the shadow didn't go away. I looked back; Sister was wrapping bits of cloth all round her; the linen was sticking to her sweaty body. Glancing up and seeing the problem, she came to the door. "I'll be along in a minute, Sister Evangeline," she said, and the shadow moved away.

Sister Juliet took me in her arms then, and we shared one last, searing soul kiss, a kiss we broke and resumed twice before the sounds of plumbing reminded us to hurry. Sister checked the hall this time; the coast was clear. I was out and down the stairs before I knew it, my heart thumping. A noise from above as I reached the bottom spooked me, and I didn't even stop to check if anyone was looking before I grabbed the back door, swung it open and ran off into the edge of dawn.

Eddie never came back to school. Rumors said he'd done something awful to the nuns, but no one was sure what or when. I heard later that they'd given him his diploma anyway, but he spent the next couple of years in a military school. His parents moved away from the neighborhood without ever speaking to anyone about it. I never saw him again; the paper sack with his Scout uniform was still where we'd left it when I retrieved my duffel bag.

Sometime in the year or so after our class graduated, Sister Juliet left the order. At the time I wondered if our one night had, you know, gotten her pregnant. But Mother Superior left about the same time. From stuff I heard from my parents later on and what I've read about Vatican II, my guess now is that they were on the losing end of a battle within their order, probably over something like shortening the hem on the habits to ankle-length or allowing nuns to use shorter veils that showed their ears.

I never did get my revenge on Sister Margaret, or at least not the way I'd figured. The last penmanship classes were dropped, we all got "pass" grades, and she wasn't around when school started up the next fall. A friend of my mom's told her Sister Margaret had been sent to wherever they send senile old nuns. This was weird, because that's what I thought Ss. S&M was. And I couldn't get the full story because my mom's friends always slipped into whispers whenever they got to the good parts in stories, but apparently Sister Margaret kept insisting that the laundry smelled of sex, and they figured she'd lost it.

As for me, well, I wandered through high school half in a daze, which is to say I acted like a normal teenage boy. Freshman year, getting pounded on by seniors and facing hours of homework every night, I lost my longing to be an ordinary kid. By the time I became one, in college, I really, really wanted to be a brainy stud. The brain part is lost forever, but in my sophomore year I finally made a woman my own age. I consider it the second time I lost my virginity.

I still think about Sister Juliet.

I wonder if she ever thinks about me.

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